Cocus Majorus

Bloggity Blog Blog

(I haven’t done this in a while, so bear with me while I grease the gears and hammer out a few things.)

Something hasn’t sat right in the pit of my stomach for a while now - though I can’t exactly get my head around what it is for sure.

Truthfully,  I’m content with a lot of the things going on in my life right now - I’m working happily and contently at two places with great coworkers doing things I enjoy, making somewhat decent money for the times. I’m not driving 45 minutes at the crack of dawn anymore to do it either.

School’s alright I guess, I enjoy the classes I’m taking but its not exciting as often as I’d like it to be. We all have to go through classes that we find boring I suppose - but whats getting me is something a little bit bigger in terms of the grand scheme of things.

Short lived as it was, my time at Penn State was riveting. I’d just gotten out of high school and had my whole college experience ahead of me. Vast, wide and open were my frontiers - I could go and see and do anything… and I did a lot of what I wanted to do.

By the time I wrapped up my first year at Temple I’d gotten involved in tons of things, met a wide cast of wonderful characters, tried things I’d never see myself experiencing. Maybe the discovery has worn away, maybe I’ve tried enough and am starting to settle, maybe maybe maybe. But with all of this, something isn’t sitting right and got me to sit here at 5:03 AM and type this when I’m not supposed to be anywhere till 1 this coming afternoon…

I’ve tasted life after college during my day to day and I’m pretty sure I’m fine with it. I can easily get used to a routine, taking care of myself, making time for fun, making sure I get things done.

I keep at it for a few days, weeks perhaps - but then it seems like college just gets in the way. I get distracted and wind up settling for doing the same mundane things again and again which ultimately lead me to loosening up in my routine department.

I feel a lot better about myself when my routine is working, when it clicks, when it flows.

I need to make some major changes this summer while I can to make next year not only bearable but fulfilling and not seem like a waste of my time…

That sounded a lot heavier than it meant to.

That’s where this gets complicated - I’m not miserable here. In fact, I’m having a pretty good time - but I know I can do it in a way that’s ultimately better for my quality of life. I don’t have to, but I know I can and maybe my forward personality is coughing and sputtering because of it.

</ self indulgence >

Coffee.

I am privledged.

Not in the ways of Fortunate Sons, nor by the route of the Jewish American royalty. My wealth is not measured in matters of blood or connections.

My wealth is that of the lucky onlooker. One who see’s the great whales off the coast, a rare constellation, the miracle of life in the wild. Uncommon things, but clockwork to their being.

I see the city wake up each morning and wipe the dust from its eyes. I hear the clank of the lunch trucks opening up and smell the hiss of grease first hitting the grill.

The newspapers fall heavy on pavement and the wandering homeless take their morning stroll.

Joggers dance through the park in their warm up pants, bouncing along to their iPods strapped tightly to their biceps.

I am the first cup of coffee pulled from the little store on the corner. I am for no customer but myself - the silent people watcher.

I am the first drop of the olive, pure and sweet in my own right. Crisp, smooth and finishing cleanly across the palate.

I am the crumbling of the scone onto napkin and the smooth croon of Benjamin just as the sun comes up.

John Mayer Goodies

1. Sucker
2. Tracing
3. Why Did You Mess with Forever?
4. Victoria
5. Who Says
6. Man on the Side
7. Comfortable

Halloween

This year for Halloween, I’m going to be a member of the Zissou Society.

• Blue Polo Shirt
• Matching Pants
• Blue Duct Tape for Stripes
• Beanie

So far I’ve got a shirt, and may have the hat.